The Mandatory Orgasm
  April 2009 Newsletter Volume 1, Issue 6   


Welcome to my April Newsletter!

For those of you who celebrated Easter, I trust you were able to spend quality time with friends and family. For others, you may have had a few days off to relax and enjoy the warmer weather.

My main article explores the concept of emotional intimacy with your partner. We will uncover ways to enhance this very important element as recommended by relationship experts. The question of the week looks at some signs of unhealthy intimacy in a romantic relationship.

Let's Talk!

 Intimacy and Sweatpants

“Sex is easy, but intimacy is difficult” recently said an acquaintance of mine recently. I agreed with him because sex may only involve the body, while emotional intimacy requires you to reveal the unseen that can put you in a vulnerable position. That’s why the word intimacy broken down means “into me see”.

When I meet someone, I often subconsciously evaluate the “Sweatpants Quotient” of the person. You might wonder what that term means. It’s how comfortable I would feel with this person if I were to break most socially and privately accepted rules of good etiquette. In other words, how much of the true “me” can this person handle. For instance, my boss has a very low score whereas my best friend, a very high one.

Maybe you’ve had similar challenges with intimacy. With some individuals, you would not invite them to your place unless your apartment was perfectly cleaned and tidy. You may also put away items that this person might find “cheesy” (i.e. your Danielle Steel’s novels) or some really ugly pictures of yourself when you were in High School. You show the “guest” what he/she wants to see – not who you truly are.

The dating scene is notorious for encouraging people to hide their real selves. Most end up interacting with the “photo retouched” version of their date. Unfortunately, this charade can only last for a short while in order for real intimacy to grow.

It may take at least 3-4 encounters with a potential mate to know if you feel at ease enough to start letting your guards down. Appearances can be deceiving because a stern looking person can actually be very playful when given a chance. You may start by revealing less threatening facts about yourself, then progress to more serious issues.  You should stop before your date’s expression says TMI (Too Much Information)!  You will soon know how far you can go by reading the body language of the person.

When both individuals feel at ease, intimacy is almost limitless. Both allow the other inside his/her world, and consequently create a new world that you both share exclusively. And that’s when you can really let loose!

For example, as a woman, you may not have to have to take 2 hours to prepare for the date anymore. He can now see you “au naturel”, and you feel totally accepted as you are. Maybe your mate can tell you that he’s broke, and that on the next date, you’ll have to stay indoors and rent a movie.

An intimate relationship requires a lot less energy when there is no need to hide who we really are. The “photo retouched” picture becomes a three-dimensional person who is not perfect, but real. These “imperfections” are his/her unique stamp and can be a source of a lot of good-natured humour.

And yes…sweatpants are definitively allowed!

Until the next issue, 
J.Q. Macéus
Literary Truths

Here are some tips to nurture emotional intimacy in your relationship:
  • Continuously work on expanding intimacy in your relationship: if you take the bond that you have with your partner for granted, you may damage your relationship.
  • Schedule quality time with your partner: most people are very busy and the only way to ensure that your mate and yourself stay connected is to be on each other’s priority list.
  • Create an atmosphere of openness: pay attention when your partner is talking to you and be non-judgmental. Your mate should feel safe to reveal sensitive emotional issues.
  • Allow intimacy to grow naturally: you cannot force someone to be vulnerable with you. You can start the process by opening up to your partner, but there are no guarantees that they will reciprocate.
  • Talk about your issues: sometimes you may be afraid to discuss problems that can create friction. But, by not bringing these challenges to light, you create a distance between you and your partner.
  • Keep other people outside your relationship: your family/friends/co-workers should not be allowed to interfere with the bond that you are building with your mate.
  • Have non-sexual physical contact: throughout the day, express your affection for your partner through non-sexual touch. If every physical contact leads to sex, one of you (usually the woman) may become emotionally withdrawn.
Truth in Motion


You Wanted to Know...

What are some of the signs that I have unhealthy emotional intimacy with my husband?

Some of the signs of unhealthy emotional intimacy are:
  • A need for constant reassurance: one of you do not feel a secure bond with the other, and requires of the other's repetitive verbal confirmation of closeness in the relationship.
  • Poorly defined boundaries: your partner needs to know everything about you, and does not allow you any privacy.
  • Spending too much time together: one of you do not have any interests/activities unless it involves the partner. 
Now For Something Completely Different

The Statue of Liberty’s official name is “Liberty Enlightening the World”. The tablet held by the goddess represents knowledge. The date (July 4th, 1776) of the United States Declaration of Independence is engraved on the tablet in roman numerals, July IV, MDCCLXXVI.
Genuine Laugh


How the Skill of Intimacy Grows In the Family


Statue of Liberty

3 Stages of Love

12 Steps to Intimacy

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Volume 2 - Issue 12: TMO December Newsletter - Blood Is Thicker than Water?
Volume 2 - Issue 11: TMO November Newsletter - Think You're Worth It?
Volume 2 - Issue 10: TMO October Newsletter - HIV=AIDS?
Volume 2 - issue 9: TMO September Newsletter - He's Just NOT that Into You
Volume 2 - Issue 8: TMO August Newsletter - Dangerous Sugar High
Volume 2 - Issue 7: TMO July Newsletter - Multiple Ooooh's
Volume 2 - Issue 6: TMO June Newsletter - Older & Inflamed
Volume 2 - Issue 5: TMO May Newsletter - Breast Cancer - The Number Two Killer
Volume 2 - Issue 4: TMO April Newsletter - Erotica Versus Pornography
Volume 2 - Issue 3: TMO March Newsletter - Sex Toys Are Us
Volume 2 - Issue 2: TMO February Newsletter - Happily Ever After
Volume 2 - Issue 1: TMO January Newsletter - Change or Transformation?
Volume 1 - Issue 16: TMO December Newsletter - Do You Know Your IUDs?
Volume 1 - Issue 15: TMO November Newsletter - Thank You for NOT Smoking
Volume 1 - Issue 14: TMO October Newsletter - Your Erogenous Zones
Volume 1 - Issue 13: TMO September Newsletter - Bloody Mary!
Volume 1 - Issue 12: TMO August Newsletter - The First Time
Volume 1 - Issue 11: TMO June Newsletter - A Touchy Testicular Problem
Volume 1 - Issue 10: TMO June Newsletter - When Sperm Count
Volume 1 - Issue 9: TMO May Newsletter - PMS: You Are NOT Crazy
Volume 1 - Issue 8: TMO May Newsletter - More than a Pill
Volume 1 - Issue 7: TMO April Newsletter - Men Like It Harder
Volume 1 - Issue 6: TMO April Newsletter - Intimacy and Sweatpants
Volume 1 - Issue 5: TMO March Newsletter - Please Dump the Frog!
Volume 1 - Issue 4: TMO March Newsletter - HP What?
Volume 1 - Issue 3: TMO February Newsletter - To Fake It or Not to Fake It?
Volume 1 - Issue 2: TMO February Newsletter - Valentine's Day
Volume 1 - Issue 1: TMO January Newsletter - Truths Behind New Year's Resolutions