The Mandatory Orgasm
  March 2009 Newsletter Volume 1, Issue 5



Welcome to my March Newsletter!

It’s official, Spring has arrived! Many of us may be thinking about a thorough clean up of our homes to prepare for the warm season. Maybe it’s also time to do a communication “clean up” in some of our relationships.

My feature article discusses the delicate process of convincing a friend that she is in an unhealthy romantic relationship. We will look at some strategies that relationship experts recommend to facilitate communication in this situation. The question of the week will highlight some warning signs that a friend may be in a toxic relationship.

Let's Talk!
 Please Dump The Frog!

You think “I can’t stand this guy”. Actually, you felt that way right from moment your best friend Jennifer introduced Bob to you. It is obvious to everyone around that he is a bad seed that should have never been planted in Jennifer’s garden. Somehow, your friend perceives Bob as the Prince Charming who will fulfill all her dreams.

Jennifer is not a desperate case – she is beautiful, intelligent, educated, financially independent and has a great personality. However, she had been so often disappointed by men, that she lost hope of ever finding the “right one”. Bob entered her life when she needed reassurance and wanted to feel special. He showered her with attention and compliments.

The first warning was the speed at which the relationship was progressing. Within weeks, he moved in with her. Jennifer spent every minute of her free time with Bob. As new lovers, that seemed to be a normal behaviour, however Bob had too much free time. No one knew what he did to earn a living. When anyone asked him, he would find a sophisticated way to never answer the question.

Since Jennifer was very cautious in previous relationships, she decided to do the opposite in order to make the relationship with Bob work. He soon got access to her bank account. She told him in detail her family history. She confessed her deepest fears and hopes to him, which gave Bob even more ammunition to emotionally manipulate her.

Bob never introduced Jennifer to his friends or family members. One lie would contradict another. You soon found out that Bob was about ten years older than he pretended to be and already married.

After a few months, you can’t stand it anymore, and you try a gentle but firm intervention with Jennifer. She brushes aside your concerns, attributing your worries to your overprotective tendencies. Soon, Jennifer finds out that her credit cards have maxed and that Bob’s wife is looking for him. She is devastated and humiliated but still can’t find the strength to leave him.

To the astonishment of friends and family, Bob convinces Jennifer that he only “borrowed” her money since he would soon start a new job. Also, he tells Jennifer that it is a matter of months before the divorce with his fourth wife will be finalized. Bob assures her that all the lying was due to his “immense’ love for her and the thought of losing such an amazing woman was unbearable.

You want to give Jennifer a big wake up call but you have no idea what to do. You now have intense anger towards Bob and Jennifer. You ask yourself “How can she be so stupid?”. A few months later, you realize that you can’t make your friend leave Bob unless she wants to.

As much as you want to end your friendship with Jennifer, isolating her will only make her even more vulnerable to Bob. To protect yourself, it is good to keep a healthy distance from this dysfunctional relationship. However, make sure that Jennifer knows that your door is always open to her and when she finds the courage to leave Bob, she can cry on your shoulder.

Until the next issue, 
J.Q. Macéus
Literary Truths
If your friend is in an unhealthy relationship, here are some ways to keep the communication lines open:
  • Let your friend make her own choices: if you tell her what to do, she may rebel and think that you are trying to control her.
  • Listen without judgment: it may be difficult to do, but if you keep on telling your friend how bad her partner is, she may think you are not perceiving her relationship in an objective way.
  • Ask her to make a list of all the positives and negatives in her relationship: she has to come to the conclusion on her own that this relationship is a liability.
  • Help her focus on the bright side of being single: your friend may think that she may not be well perceived by other people if she does not have a partner.
  • Make allowances for mistakes: it may take a long time before your friend decides to end her unhealthy relationship. By making allowances for screw ups, she may feel more accepted by you and may be more willing to listen to your suggestions.
  • Stay calm even when the situation worsens: your friend may have to hit rock bottom before she decides to leave her partner. Maintain a firm position of not encouraging this relationship but keep your door open to your friend.
Truth in Motion

You Wanted to Know...

What are some of the warning signs that a friend is in dysfunctional relationship?

Some of the warning signs are (assuming your friend is a woman):
  • Your friend idolizes her partner: she has an extremely positive view of her mate that cannot be supported by facts.
  • The partner is controlling: he may prevent her from seeing certain friends and family members, he listens to her phone conversations and checks her mail.
  • He convinces her that only he can truly love her: he may use her insecurities to make her believe that she is unlovable.
  • Your friend has out-of-control thoughts: your friend does not think logically as she used to. 
Now For Something Completely Different

The word "avocado" derives from the word āhuacatl which means “testicle” in Nahuatl - a reference to the shape of the fruit. Nahualt is a group of languages spoken by some indigenous people of central Mexico.
Genuine Laugh


5 Ways to Free your Friend From a Bad Relationship

Love Addiction – How to Break It

Nahuatl Language

Shapiro, David. “On the psychology of self-deception.” Social Research. 63.n3 (Fall 1996): 785(16).

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Volume 2 - Issue 12: TMO December Newsletter - Blood Is Thicker than Water?
Volume 2 - Issue 11: TMO November Newsletter - Think You're Worth It?
Volume 2 - Issue 10: TMO October Newsletter - HIV=AIDS?
Volume 2 - issue 9: TMO September Newsletter - He's Just NOT that Into You
Volume 2 - Issue 8: TMO August Newsletter - Dangerous Sugar High
Volume 2 - Issue 7: TMO July Newsletter - Multiple Ooooh's
Volume 2 - Issue 6: TMO June Newsletter - Older & Inflamed
Volume 2 - Issue 5: TMO May Newsletter - Breast Cancer - The Number Two Killer
Volume 2 - Issue 4: TMO April Newsletter - Erotica Versus Pornography
Volume 2 - Issue 3: TMO March Newsletter - Sex Toys Are Us
Volume 2 - Issue 2: TMO February Newsletter - Happily Ever After
Volume 2 - Issue 1: TMO January Newsletter - Change or Transformation?
Volume 1 - Issue 16: TMO December Newsletter - Do You Know Your IUDs?
Volume 1 - Issue 15: TMO November Newsletter - Thank You for NOT Smoking
Volume 1 - Issue 14: TMO October Newsletter - Your Erogenous Zones
Volume 1 - Issue 13: TMO September Newsletter - Bloody Mary!
Volume 1 - Issue 12: TMO August Newsletter - The First Time
Volume 1 - Issue 11: TMO June Newsletter - A Touchy Testicular Problem
Volume 1 - Issue 10: TMO June Newsletter - When Sperm Count
Volume 1 - Issue 9: TMO May Newsletter - PMS: You Are NOT Crazy
Volume 1 - Issue 8: TMO May Newsletter - More than a Pill
Volume 1 - Issue 7: TMO April Newsletter - Men Like It Harder
Volume 1 - Issue 6: TMO April Newsletter - Intimacy and Sweatpants
Volume 1 - Issue 5: TMO March Newsletter - Please Dump the Frog!
Volume 1 - Issue 4: TMO March Newsletter - HP What?
Volume 1 - Issue 3: TMO February Newsletter - To Fake It or Not to Fake It?
Volume 1 - Issue 2: TMO February Newsletter - Valentine's Day
Volume 1 - Issue 1: TMO January Newsletter - Truths Behind New Year's Resolutions