The Mandatory Orgasm
  February 2009 Newsletter Volume 1, Issue 3   


Welcome to my February Newsletter!

It’s the heart of Winter and one of the best ways to warm up is to discuss a hot topic – female orgasms.

My feature article will discuss the delicate subject of why so many women fake orgasms. We will explore ways to minimize this problem based on practical tips from sex experts. The question of the week will add another piece to the understanding of female orgasms.

Let's Talk!


To Fake It Or Not To Fake It ? - That Is The Question

It’s 11:30 pm, you’re having sex with your mate. You both have been going at it for at least 20 minutes, and you know that you’re no where close to having an orgasm. You’re tired and you think “I have to wake up at 6:00 am tomorrow morning, I have a leg cramp and my vagina is sore”. You don’t want to hurt his feelings because he has been trying really hard to make you come. What do you do?

Most women at this point, will fake an orgasm. Occasionally, men also fake it, but not nearly as often as women. Generally, men feel the need to prove to themselves and their partners that they are good lovers. Women don’t have performance anxiety because it’s much easier to make a man climax than the other way around. He may think that if he does not satisfy you in the bedroom, you may leave him. Or worse, he will earn the reputation amongst your friends as being lousy in bed. What he does not know is although he never made you climax, you still didn’t end the relationship and neither were you unfaithful.

The logical way to resolve this issue is to stop faking and tell your partner what he needs to do to give you an orgasm. However, as most women will attest, we are more complicated than that. Sexual satisfaction tends to be a very mind/body connection for women. If you are worried, upset or concerned about his insecurities – you may not come. Although it is very cliché, but your lover may have to make you climax mentally/emotionally to have any chance of giving you a physical orgasm.

Women tend to be the nurturer in relationships. We often put other people’s needs and concerns before our own well-being. This behaviour is probably a combination of nature and socialization. As strange as it may seem, we fake orgasms for the benefit of our man because we feel that we can better tolerate the frustration of being sexually unsatisfied, whereas our partner could not handle knowing that he did not make us come. With all our good intentions, we gradually build resentment to the fact that he regularly climaxes while we rarely do.

We may be concerned that if we’re truthful with our mate, he may leave us because he feels incompetent in the bedroom. The sexual lies that we tell are (oddly) a sign that we care. As time passes, the lie becomes so big that our partner may become furious if/when we tell the truth. The resentment that we have for him and ourselves for not standing up for our needs, may result in an angry/misplaced confession.

The best sexual experiences I’ve had in my life were when I focused on my needs and disregarded my partner’s ego. To fake “it” or not is probably one of the best tests to know if you are with a confident man and if you are truly intimate with him. In the end, since you know the truth about your sexual satisfaction, you’re the only one who can stop faking it.

Until the next issue, 
J.Q. Macéus
Literary Truths
Here are some ways to increase your chances of having an orgasm:
  • Masturbate: you must get to know your own body so you can guide him as to what he needs to do.
  • Get enough rest: chronic fatigue is a libido killer.
  • Schedule time alone: you need a few hours alone with your partner so you will not feel rushed. Leave the kids with the babysitter.
  • Stop focusing on the orgasm: enjoy the ride and not the destination.
  • Relax: when you tense up, your body becomes less sensitive to touch.
  • Delay vaginal intercourse: intercourse is mostly for your man’s pleasure. Make foreplay the “main” course.
  • Tactfully discuss sex outside the bedroom: both of you will be more relaxed and less defensive.
  • Examine other aspects of the relationship: your sexual challenges may only be a mirror of what is happening outside the bedroom.
Truth In Motion
Videos -
"When Harry Met Sally "

You Wanted to Know..

How can I tell if my wife is having an orgasm?

When your wife is aroused, her clitoris will engorge with blood; the outer third of her vagina will tighten and become more sensitive to touch. She will lubricate, which prepares her for intercourse. During orgasm, her vagina will spasm for several seconds, her legs muscles will have involuntary contractions, her back may arch and her pelvis may move forward.

It is virtually impossible to determine if your wife is having an orgasm by only looking at her in an aroused state. The only foolproof method would be to have a brain scan during sex or to simply ask her. Honest communication between you and her about her sexual satisfaction is the best policy.

Now For Something Completely Different
In India, Hindu men chant mantras over the footprints of the woman they pursue to win her love.
Genuine Laugh

"Anatomic and physiologic changes during female sexual response". Clinical Proceedings. Association of Reproductive Health Professionals. Retrieved on 2007-02-01.

Christopher Shea (2005-04-24). "Orgasmic science". The Boston Globe.

Faking an Orgasm

Foot (Hindu mythology)

Knox, David, Marty Zusman, and Andrea McNeely. "University student beliefs about sex: men vs. women.(Report)." College Student Journal. 42.1 (March 2008): 181(5)

"Women fall into 'trance' during orgasm". Mark Henderson (Times Online).
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Volume 2 - Issue 12: TMO December Newsletter - Blood Is Thicker than Water?
Volume 2 - Issue 11: TMO November Newsletter - Think You're Worth It?
Volume 2 - Issue 10: TMO October Newsletter - HIV=AIDS?
Volume 2 - issue 9: TMO September Newsletter - He's Just NOT that Into You
Volume 2 - Issue 8: TMO August Newsletter - Dangerous Sugar High
Volume 2 - Issue 7: TMO July Newsletter - Multiple Ooooh's
Volume 2 - Issue 6: TMO June Newsletter - Older & Inflamed
Volume 2 - Issue 5: TMO May Newsletter - Breast Cancer - The Number Two Killer
Volume 2 - Issue 4: TMO April Newsletter - Erotica Versus Pornography
Volume 2 - Issue 3: TMO March Newsletter - Sex Toys Are Us
Volume 2 - Issue 2: TMO February Newsletter - Happily Ever After
Volume 2 - Issue 1: TMO January Newsletter - Change or Transformation?
Volume 1 - Issue 16: TMO December Newsletter - Do You Know Your IUDs?
Volume 1 - Issue 15: TMO November Newsletter - Thank You for NOT Smoking
Volume 1 - Issue 14: TMO October Newsletter - Your Erogenous Zones
Volume 1 - Issue 13: TMO September Newsletter - Bloody Mary!
Volume 1 - Issue 12: TMO August Newsletter - The First Time
Volume 1 - Issue 11: TMO June Newsletter - A Touchy Testicular Problem
Volume 1 - Issue 10: TMO June Newsletter - When Sperm Count
Volume 1 - Issue 9: TMO May Newsletter - PMS: You Are NOT Crazy
Volume 1 - Issue 8: TMO May Newsletter - More than a Pill
Volume 1 - Issue 7: TMO April Newsletter - Men Like It Harder
Volume 1 - Issue 6: TMO April Newsletter - Intimacy and Sweatpants
Volume 1 - Issue 5: TMO March Newsletter - Please Dump the Frog!
Volume 1 - Issue 4: TMO March Newsletter - HP What?
Volume 1 - Issue 3: TMO February Newsletter - To Fake It or Not to Fake It?
Volume 1 - Issue 2: TMO February Newsletter - Valentine's Day
Volume 1 - Issue 1: TMO January Newsletter - Truths Behind New Year's Resolutions