To Fake It Or Not To Fake It ? - That Is The Question
It’s 11:30 pm, you’re having sex with your mate. You both have been going at it for at least 20 minutes, and you know that you’re no where close to having an orgasm. You’re tired and you think “I have to wake up at 6:00 am tomorrow morning, I have a leg cramp and my vagina is sore”. You don’t want to hurt his feelings because he has been trying really hard to make you come. What do you do?
Most women at this point, will fake an orgasm. Occasionally, men also fake it, but not nearly as often as women. Generally, men feel the need to prove to themselves and their partners that they are good lovers. Women don’t have performance anxiety because it’s much easier to make a man climax than the other way around. He may think that if he does not satisfy you in the bedroom, you may leave him. Or worse, he will earn the reputation amongst your friends as being lousy in bed. What he does not know is although he never made you climax, you still didn’t end the relationship and neither were you unfaithful.
The logical way to resolve this issue is to stop faking and tell your partner what he needs to do to give you an orgasm. However, as most women will attest, we are more complicated than that. Sexual satisfaction tends to be a very mind/body connection for women. If you are worried, upset or concerned about his insecurities – you may not come. Although it is very cliché, but your lover may have to make you climax mentally/emotionally to have any chance of giving you a physical orgasm.
Women tend to be the nurturer in relationships. We often put other people’s needs and concerns before our own well-being. This behaviour is probably a combination of nature and socialization. As strange as it may seem, we fake orgasms for the benefit of our man because we feel that we can better tolerate the frustration of being sexually unsatisfied, whereas our partner could not handle knowing that he did not make us come. With all our good intentions, we gradually build resentment to the fact that he regularly climaxes while we rarely do.
We may be concerned that if we’re truthful with our mate, he may leave us because he feels incompetent in the bedroom. The sexual lies that we tell are (oddly) a sign that we care. As time passes, the lie becomes so big that our partner may become furious if/when we tell the truth. The resentment that we have for him and ourselves for not standing up for our needs, may result in an angry/misplaced confession.
The best sexual experiences I’ve had in my life were when I focused on my needs and disregarded my partner’s ego. To fake “it” or not is probably one of the best tests to know if you are with a confident man and if you are truly intimate with him. In the end, since you know the truth about your sexual satisfaction, you’re the only one who can stop faking it.
How can I tell if my wife is having an orgasm?
When your wife is aroused, her clitoris will engorge with blood; the outer third of her vagina will tighten and become more sensitive to touch. She will lubricate, which prepares her for intercourse. During orgasm, her vagina will spasm for several seconds, her legs muscles will have involuntary contractions, her back may arch and her pelvis may move forward.
It is virtually impossible to determine if your wife is having an orgasm by only looking at her in an aroused state. The only foolproof method would be to have a brain scan during sex or to simply ask her. Honest communication between you and her about her sexual satisfaction is the best policy.