Welcome to my first Newsletter!
I am excited to start the year 2009 by creating this dialogue between my readers and myself. This way of communicating will give us the opportunity to explore and expand on ideas that I touched upon in my first novelette "The Mandatory Orgasm". Through these exchanges, you may have your questions answered and be able to share your opinions with me and others. (After the feature article, scroll down and see this week's question - it's a good one!).
Truths Behind New Year's Resolutions
The main theme of "The Mandatory Orgasm" is about truth telling in many areas of life. The central character (Alexandra) is compelled to start speaking her truth at home, work and with herself. I feel that it's important to start off this Newsletter issue by examining the truth behind what so many of us are talking about this month - New Year's resolutions and setting goals.
The end of a year and the beginning of a new one can be an emotional transition. Many of us start to reflect upon the events that occurred during the past 12 months and where we are heading in the upcoming year. If you made significant progress, you can have a sense of pride and confidence in the future. When the opposite is true, some of us can feel powerless and have a sense of failure.
The ritual of goal setting and New Year's resolutions tends to bore people to death (me included!). Most of us know for instance, that goals should be realistic, measurable and within a particular time frame. But why do so many of us fail to reach our goals? I get things done, but the effort needed to accomplish certain simple tasks baffles me. For instance, it may take me up to 3 days to convince myself to clean up and organize my library (a task that only takes 45 minutes to do).
Maybe we should look at ourselves as more emotional beings than logical ones. We need to feel it in our hearts, rather than think it in our heads. I believe that often the goals that we set for ourselves do not generate a strong enough emotional response to propel us into action. We are often motivated by an outside source of fear instead of being inspired from the inside by the love of our goal.
For example, years ago, I was taking a course and was always late for the lectures. After a few weeks of this habit, the professor asked me why I was never on time. I responded that I simply was not afraid enough to be punctual. Needless to say, she was not pleased with my answer and threatened that if I was even 1 minute late again, I will miss the entire class. From that day, I was always early for her lectures (the fear worked) but I was still not interested in the course material (my heart was not in it).
Our goals must fuel our passion. One test to know if the goal is appropriate is whether or not we enjoy the process. For example, I love creative writing. My left brain does not have to convince my right brain to have an opportunity to express myself. Quite the reverse, my left brain has to tell my right brain to limit the number of hours spent typing on the computer, because I enjoy writing so much!
It's ultimately about being honest with what you are truly passionate about! It's about injecting a genuine and strong emotional burst that propels you to get the job done! I often exercise while watching my favorite TV shows. Sometimes I'm so engrossed in the story lines that I don't realize that I've been jumping up and down for two hours. Outside pressure can also be constructive. For example, we can be accountable to someone to whom we paid a lot of money to help us reach goals (i.e. personal coach). There is nothing like looking at a bill of $250/hour to motivate just about anyone to finish a project on time!
Do whatever it takes, give yourself enough time and be sure to have the right tools needed to reach your goals. Believing that you will succeed, will get you started, but most of all, this will help you finish your project.
Until the next issue,
Here are some quick tips to immediately help you when setting your goals:
• Your major goals have to be aligned with your true mission in life. You'll know if these goals
are right for you, if you are effortlessly drawn towards them and have the required natural
• Choose the level of challenge that you're comfortable with. A timetable that is imposed by
someone else will create unnecessary stress.
• Make sure your environment supports you in your wins and failures. This is key to success.
• Use visualization when the gap between where you are and what you want seems too wide. It
makes a world of difference.
• Hold on to a positive attitude and work on your goals everyday, no matter what.
• Find and model people who are already successful. That will help you get there faster and
May these quick tips help you reach your goals for 2009!
To learn more about goal setting, you should check out the following informative articles:
"Making New Year"s Resolutions Count"
"Goal Setting Mistakes People Make for the New Year and How to Avoid Them"
Truth in Motion
Video - "How to achieve your goals and New Year\'s resolution"
You Wanted to Know...
Why is it more difficult for me to have an orgasm during intercourse compared to my boyfriend?
The pool scientific literature abounds with studies confirming this occurrence (i.e. Zur (2006); Richters, Richard de Visser, Rissel & Smith (2006)).
The internal walls (2/3rds) of your vagina contain few nerve endings. Nearly 90% of your touch sensitive nerves are found at the entrance (outer one-third) of this organ. Intercourse is not an effective way to stimulate you to orgasm as the penis rubs again the deeper/less sensitive part of your vagina. The above-mentioned studies confirm that women were more likely to have an orgasm if their partners performed oral
sex on them or manually stimulated their clitoris.
During intercourse, your partner's penis is in constant direct contact with the walls of your vagina resulting in him having an orgasm after only a few minutes.
Now For Something Completely Different
There are approximately 9,000 taste buds on the tongue.
Jackson, Todd, Karen E. Weiss, Jessie J. Lundquist, and Adam Soderlind. "Perceptions of goal-directed activities of optimists and pessimists: a Personal Projects Analysis." The Journal of Psychology. 136.5
(Sept 2002): 521(12).
Moore, Michael. "Goals setting-something to think about." VAHPERD Journal. 29.1 (Spring 2007): 23(1).
Richters, Juliet, Richard de Visser, Chris Rissel, and Anthony Smith. "Sexual practices at last heterosexual encounter and occurrence of orgasm in a national survey." The Journal of Sex Research. 43.3 (August 2006): 217(10).
Strickland, Oriel J., and Mark Galimba. "Managing Time: The Effects of Personal Goal Setting on Resource Allocation Strategy and Task Performance." The Journal of Psychology. 135.4 (July 2001): 357(11).
Wallia, Sarabjit Singh. "Challenge by choice: a sojourn at the intersection of challenge and choice.(Report)." Australian Journal of Outdoor Education. 12.2 (July 2008): 39(8).
Wiese, Bettina S., and Alexandra M. Freund. "Goal progress makes one happy, or does it? Longitudinal findings from the work domain."Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology. 78.2 (June 2005): 287(18).
Zuk, Marlene. "The Case of the Female Orgasm *." Perspectives in Biology and Medicine. 49.2 (Spring 2006): 294(5).
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